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Results: The Long Goodbye

Published on 02/16/2020
By: Harriet56
2255
Health & Fitness
1.
1.
A friend recently talked to me about the difficulties of saying goodbye to her mother, who was in the later stages of Alzheimer's. She had been sick for some time, but a month ago, had progressed to the point that she was starting to not recognize my friend, her only child, so my friend made the very difficult decision to start saying goodbye, while her mother could still understand. They talk about their life together, and their good times and bad times. When her mother can not remember these times, my friend tells her the stories she had heard from her mother for years, and her mother listens to them as if hearing them for the first time. Have you ever done anything similar to this with either of your parents, your partner, a sibling or good friend?
A friend recently talked to me about the difficulties of saying goodbye to her mother, who was in the later stages of Alzheimer's. She had been sick for some time, but a month ago, had progressed to the point that she was starting to not recognize my friend, her only child, so my friend made the very difficult decision to start saying goodbye, while her mother could still understand. They talk about their life together, and their good times and bad times. When her mother can not remember these times, my friend tells her the stories she had heard from her mother for years, and her mother listens to them as if hearing them for the first time. Have you ever done anything similar to this with either of your parents, your partner, a sibling or good friend?
Yes, with a parent
16%
363 votes
Yes, with a sibling
4%
79 votes
Yes, with a good friend
6%
136 votes
Yes, with my partner
2%
51 votes
No I have not done this
34%
771 votes
Have not been in this situation
45%
1020 votes
2.
2.
My friend says she has read many books on the subject in order to better understand what her mother must be feeling, and one of the best books she read is called "Creating Moments of Joy", by Jolene Brackey. In the book, the author says to not focus on the past, but instead create new memories and feelings that your loved one will feel, long after they can no longer remember the particular incident that created those feelings. So, my friend spends time with her mother sipping her favourite tea, reading to her from her favourite book, brings her her favourite perfumed lotion for her hands, and listening to music that she enjoys, although she insists she's never heard the song before. She may not remember the book, the song, the scent or the taste, but her mom remembers the warm feelings these little things give her. And this, in turn, creates memories that her mom may remember rather than try and remember the past. Do you think this is a good way to communicate with your loved one?
Yes
49%
1108 votes
Not sure
17%
373 votes
No
6%
141 votes
Don't feel I can answer this, as I've never been in a situation like this
28%
633 votes
3.
3.
It as my friend who introduced me to this song, "Monsters" by James Blunt, that I felt beautifully captures what is like dealing with a parent's death, whether it be imminent or a "long goodbye". Although his father is not dying from Alzheimer's, but has been diagnosed with stage four chronic kidney disease, and he needs an O positive organ donor -- Blunt and his family have been tested and they are not a match -- Blunt's song about his father, on his latest album, expresses beautifully what it is like knowing your loved one is dying, and knowing there is nothing you can do. Do you like this song?
Yes
27%
611 votes
Not sure
22%
491 votes
No
13%
282 votes
Did not/could not listen to it
39%
871 votes
4.
4.
Glen Campbell, while he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, wrote a song in 2014 called "I'm Not Going To Miss You" about what he was dealing with, and that same year he was the subject of the documentary Glen Campbell: I'll Be Me, which featured the song. Sadly, it was the last song he ever recorded, as he died from complications of the disease three years later. In the song, he says that he won't remember or miss anyone, because this disease robs one of that ability. The horror of this disease is that it strips one of memories, and the very essence of who they are. Do you remember hearing this song, and do you understand what his message is in the song?
I remember it
23%
511 votes
I don't remember hearing it
43%
976 votes
I understand what his message is
22%
499 votes
Not sure I understand what his message is
20%
450 votes
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