Results: "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death." words often included in wedding vows. Can they withstand being tested? Part 4.
In part one we looked at "good times or bad times." In part 2 we looked at "for richer, for poorer." In part 3 we looked at "in sickness and in health". In part 4 we look at "to love and to cherish." How important is "love" in a relationship? Does it have to be displayed in words, deeds or both? What about "cherish"? Are love and cherish a separate commitment or must they be combined? Do the intensity of love and cherish change over time?
1.
1.
Love can be defined as "an intense feeling of deep affection" but how intense and how deep? It can also be defined as "a great interest and pleasure in something". How does the physical side of a relationship factor into the "love equation"? Can there be love in a relationship without a physical side to it? Are some relationships doomed to fail because of unrealistic expectations of what love is expected to be right from the very beginning of the relationship?
My affection for my partner is less intense now that it once was..
12%
•
270 votes
My affection for my partner is more intense now that it was in the beginning.
13%
•
294 votes
My affection for my partner is the same as it has always been.
18%
•
423 votes
We were never affectionate, just comfortable with each other.
4%
•
94 votes
The physical side of our relationship is more important than affection
2%
•
46 votes
The physical side of our relationship is less important than affection
9%
•
196 votes
The physical side of our relationship is just as important as affection
8%
•
183 votes
Our relationship does not have a physical side.
5%
•
122 votes
Lack of affection has caused a relationship breakdown
5%
•
108 votes
Lack of a physical side has caused a relationship breakdown.
3%
•
72 votes
Other (please specify)
1%
•
18 votes
Not Applicable
45%
•
1028 votes
- Every single person on this Planet is "different." It wouldn't impact me.
- Very common and a reason for polyamory
- You need to take on the attitude that they belong to God and are only a gift to you and be grateful for blessings and great days you have
2.
2.
Cherish is a word and quality I am more comfortable with than the word love. It has been defined as "to protect and care for (someone) lovingly." It sounds a bit quaint and old fashioned perhaps but I personally think it is the most important aspect of wedding vows because it ties all the other ones together. Love can be reflected in words but to cherish requires action and as we know "Actions speak louder than words." Here are some examples I think illustrate "cherish" in my 52 years of marriage. See which ones you agree with and feel free to add some of your own. Also feel free to add your own feelings about the word "cherish".
We arrive home in a torrential downpour and have one umbrella but it is in the house. I have no hesitation in going inside to get the umbrella and bringing it out to my vehicle. I get soaked and my partner keeps dry.
17%
•
381 votes
I get gift cards at various times and have more fun finding ways to get something for my partner than for myself.
17%
•
384 votes
There are three cookies left. We get into an argument because each of us wants the other one to get two cookies and we would prefer to have just one cookie even though they are our favourites. (Tim Tams from New Zealand - why do they have an odd number in the package?)
9%
•
216 votes
I love jazz. My partner loves the singer Meatloaf. I listen to my jazz with headphones on. My partner shares her music with the entire neighbourhood and plays it most of the time when we are on a long drive. My partner likes it and that is good enough for me.
8%
•
188 votes
We are out for a late dinner and finish at the time the creatures of the night begin to emerge. On the way back to our vehicle a group of rough looking youths are walking towards us. I instinctively take an extra pace forward so that my partner is slightly behind me and more protected if anything bad happens. I would put my life on the line for my partner without question.
15%
•
338 votes
My partner has had a series of serious and life threatening medical conditions over the time we have been together. I wish it were me who got them and that my partner had been spared.
11%
•
259 votes
At one time I was blessed with good looks and I do enjoy talking to strangers . My career involved a lot of business functions and significant out of town travel. I was "propositioned" many times by members of the opposite sex and it would have been relatively easy to accept some of the offers that came my way. I wouldn't dream of it. (Well I actually did dream of it on occasion but that's as far as it went).
8%
•
186 votes
Other (please specify)
1%
•
30 votes
Not Applicable
57%
•
1315 votes
- To protect and behold.
- Care, love
- The most important "thing" in my life.
3.
3.
In part 5 we will discuss the implications of "until death us do part" and I will try to make that discussion as light as possible. Before that as a kind of recap let's explore the importance of wedding vows (or their equivalent on other relationship commitments) by asking "which aspect(s) of these vows can be missing and the relationship can still survive?'". In other words with one is the LEAST important in your own experience?
For better, for worse.
8%
•
189 votes
For richer, for poorer.
23%
•
518 votes
In sickness and in health.
7%
•
167 votes
To love and to cherish
8%
•
181 votes
Other (please specify)
2%
•
43 votes
Not Applicable
52%
•
1202 votes
- They are all important
- For richer, for poorer--we have definitely been the latter.
- All are important
Comments