Results: Bite my tongue, turn a blind eye, listen with a deaf ear or butt in?
After 9 years of retirement where my wife and I lived independently, touring Canada and the US and spending little time with our kids and grand-kids, mother nature intervened, wrecked our RV and we currently live with my son and family. The way he and his wife raise their kids is hard for us to accept, ignore or even understand. Should we say something?
1.
1.
The kids left the table after the evening meal and have been playing and watching TV before bedtime at 8pm. At 7.50pm the older sibling persuades the younger one to ask their mother for ice cream (10 minutes before bedtime). Mother says yes, my son says no, my grandson cries for an hour and mom goes against what my son said and gives the kids ice cream at 9.15pm. As grandparents what would you do?
Ignore it. Not your kids. If you hadn't been there to see it the parents would have had to make the decision and live with the consequences.
52%
•
1045 votes
Side with the son because he is your son.
5%
•
105 votes
Side with your son because his decision is the best one for good parenting
9%
•
184 votes
Side with the daughter in law and give the kids ice cream - what harm can it do?
4%
•
89 votes
Other (please specify)
2%
•
44 votes
Not Applicable
29%
•
586 votes
- unsure
- whine enough and you get your way eventually
- Ask for anything, your parents do not agree with each other
2.
2.
My daughter in law advised my son over the evening meal that she was going to a 3 day retreat in the mointains for work (as a team building exercise) at the end of the month. This was presented as if the decision was already made even though this meant my son would have to take time off work to drop off and pick up the kids from school or delegate that (and the making of meals) to we grandparents. What would you do?
This was presented as a "fait accompli" without discussing the implications first but it is up to my son to deal with it. We as parents have no say in the matter.
32%
•
639 votes
Since this may impact us as far as providing transportation and making meals we are entitled to provide input and side with our son in pointing out how inconsiderate our daughter in law was.
10%
•
206 votes
Since this may impact us as far as providing transportation and making meals we should ask for a mature discussion of the logistics without having an argument about it.
22%
•
442 votes
Other (please specify)
3%
•
64 votes
Not Applicable
35%
•
709 votes
- Offer to do your part since the wife has to do it for work
- Grandparents need to speak and discuss the circumstances of this co- operation
- offer to help out but give no opinion about the situation
3.
3.
To put it mildly my son's house is a pig sty. Every surface has several things on it. Nothing gets thrown out and new things arrive daily. Bags of used clothing are accepted and mixed in with the new clothes my wife and I bought as gifts for the grand kids. The same thing happens with used toys. Weird meals are concocted from leftovers of leftovers. We have our own space in my son's house but the rest of the house is chaos. Things get misplaced, the kids are late for school, much of the clothing no longer fits and could be donated (or thrown out) and there is no space for more.
My wife and I have our own space which we keep the way we like it - neat and tidy. The rest of the house is none of our business. We should ignore it (even if it is a cause of arguments between my son and his wife).
32%
•
639 votes
We should recommend that some of the excess items be donated and help dispose of them and tidy the space this frees up.
27%
•
543 votes
We should stop buying new clothes and toys for our grandchildren since it is obvious they are not appreciated anyway.
20%
•
402 votes
Other (please specify)
2%
•
38 votes
Not Applicable
33%
•
653 votes
- somewhat
- Important
- Its important for everyone’s well being.
4.
4.
My son and his wife have been married for 12 years and have been a couple for nearly 20 years. They have frequent arguments and occasional counselling sessions and seem to be poles apart when it comes to raising their children, running the house, household finances and just about everything else. This is the opposite of how my wife and I do things. They appear disfunctional to us but perhaps this is the norm these days and my wife and I are the exception. what do you think?
They may appear poles apart but they seem to be able to make it work - leave well alone.
44%
•
887 votes
Your son is obviously unhappy, he should get a different wife but that is for him to figure out - stay out of it!
14%
•
281 votes
Your son is obviously unhappy, he should get a different wife and you should suggest this.
7%
•
130 votes
Other (please specify)
3%
•
58 votes
Not Applicable
36%
•
710 votes
- Butt out if you're not going to help them. Save some money if possible and move out.
- Stay
- Stay.
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